Past Life Regression

The Law of One and various other sources has made me become a deep believer in past lives. Our repeated incarnations here in the third density are meant to be an intensive growth period in this stage of spiritual schooling. One of the tools to enhance the experience, is the veil of forgetting. Forgetting who we were, who we are, and why we are here. It is a test in faith, and a test to see in our ignorance of all these things, what path do we continue to choose? What choice do we make to be of service to self or service to others? These choices we make in our incarnations resolve and create lessons and karma. These lessons and karma, if not resolved, carry over into the next life. The in-between life, or the life between incarnations is where after our passing we get to evaluate our life and past lives outside of the veil of forgetting. In collaboration with our Higher Selves and the assistance of our soul family and spirit guides, we create the blueprint for our next incarnation. Choices that we make and agreements we make with other souls to help us learn what we need to learn.

I was first introduced to Ann C. Barham through an interview on  She had the same beliefs as I have come to believe about life in general and this whole process of past lives and the involvement of our Higher Selves and our soul family in creating our present incarnation. Wanting to learn more, I bought her book “The Past Life Perspective“.

It was a very fascinating read and has become most certainly a valuable addition to my collection in the fundamental sources for awakening. It is broken down into cases. Going through a person’s regression from the past life (or multiple), into the death, and then engaging the Higher Self as a source for further lessons and advice.

After having read the book, I became fascinated with wanting to learn more about my own past lives. I wanted to do it correctly and through someone I trusted so I booked a session with Ann through her website.

Entry Point

Regressions begin with an entry point. For job interviews, in my industry, I have to go through what is called a technical interview. This interview challenges your knowledge and includes a live coding exercise. During these interviews I experience panic attacks where I will feel my throat closing up to where I feel like I am being strangled. I can’t breathe. My mind fogs up to where I can not think anymore to form a sentence. The experience is quite traumatic.

Ironically my awakening began with my attempts to resolve this issue. It led me to try self hypnosis and then into meditation. This was the pivoting moment that toppled me down this rabbit hole haha. However, despite my attempts to face this, I have experienced it with every technical interview (about 6 total). No amount of preparation, breathing and relaxing exercises, and meditation would resolve or even lessen the intensity of the panic attacks; nor could I think of anything in my past in my present incarnation that would explain it.

On a related note, I experience the same panic attacks when I get angry. When I am angry to the point of wanting to fight, my head fogs up, my throat closes up, and I am no longer able to speak. As a teenager, when this would happen I would resort to the physical because this was the only expression I had to release it. I would punch something, usually my bedroom door (I destroyed many-a-doors) and eventually my parents put me through psycho therapy and anger management. After an experience where a splinter went through my knuckle, I never did that again. Nowadays when this happens I have to just walk away.

The Process

After going through a relaxation session we began. She would ask me questions to help me focus on evolving what I was seeing and/or feeling. They were only leading in a way to understand what was occurring but not leading in a way to coax a response one way or another. The questions or her statements would lead me to the next scene or perspective. For specific information she would say for example, “What year is this? On the count of 3 what is the first thing that comes to you?”.  This would help in trying not to overthink anything.

Experience Of Hypnosis

I am pretty adept in meditation, able to achieve various levels of trance states. When I relaxed into the session I put myself into a meditative trance state where the mind is clear, centered, but aware. I don’t know of others’ experiences in hypnosis but I was never ‘unconscious’, except for a brief moment between the relaxation and the start of the first past life visions. Throughout the entire session I was fully aware. In the beginning I would have to say that I didn’t know if I was just making it up. What changed that perspective during the regression is when something would come up that would tie other things together, like this was a developing story that I was not consciously intending to do at all. When these moments would occur, I would actually be chuckling because of this realization. I was amazed and humored by how it was working. I was never thinking about the story beyond what was being asked of me, for example – what are you doing, what are you seeing,  how do you feel. I was always just in that moment. So to see those moments connect was quite fascinating.

The other part of this I found interesting is that what I was seeing and feeling toward the past life experience was not anything outside of my normal thoughts and feelings. Meaning, I never felt that what I was seeing or feeling was anything out of the ordinary. My daughter has experienced multiple spontaneous past life visions. She describes them as being more vivid than a dream, very real, very intense. She is able to feel their feelings and recall their memories. My experience was far less dramatic in that they blended seamlessly into my own imagination. This is why, until connections were discovered, I was questioning if I was just making it up.

Lastly, I realized that I never felt that connected to this person in the past life. I did feel some sort of connection but in a very subtle way, like a friend. I never felt emotionally connected to this person or the events that were taken place. This was a little off-putting and also made me question the validity; however, when I look into my current self, I have little, if any emotional connection to things in my past that were deeply emotional to me at the time. So in this context, it makes sense that in a life so far removed from my current how I may feel such a detachment.

The Regression

Looking down at my feet, I see I am wearing black boots. Some sort of work boots. The visions are nothing more than looking at your reflection in turbulent water, the vagueness of something there accompanied by a feeling of what you are seeing. Moving up, I see black pants, light weight. I have short brown curly hair. My head is shaped oval. I am wearing a black  brimmed hat, like a

baseball hat but its shorter. It feels like a uniform. I’m consciously a bit confused about what I am perceiving, not knowing what to make of it. I’m asked to see my surroundings. I see a railroad track. I am on a train. I am a conductor! I chuckled at myself in the revelation and it explained the hat and why I looked the way I looked. She asked how I felt. I said I enjoyed my job driving a passenger train, I enjoyed seeing the country side, I enjoyed the passengers.  The time period was around 1870’s (1874, 1875). The location I stated was Baltimore but this never felt right perhaps there was something similar in the name but the location felt to be European or the New England states. I have never been to either but it was this feeling. It felt European.

She asked me to go back to a previous significant event. I was maybe in my 20’s. I lived in a town that was near the docks. I get the feeling of cobblestone. Cold and rainy type of weather here typically. I was in the water. There was an incident at the docks. I can’t tell what happened, something about a ship I was on. People are concerned for what happened, although I am not. I was calm despite the event. I did not act in helping others because I was in the water but I realized that I could, that I could handle situations. I was a very confident individual.

At some point there was woman in my life. I could recognize little about her other than her presence. Her hair was long and up in a bun and wearing an apron. I cared for her and she was supportive of me.

We move to the next significant event. I am back on the train. There was an accident. I large accident. It was not my fault. Something occurred in around the midpoint of all the towing carriages. Maybe an impact of some sort but I can’t tell, but a natural accident. Multiple cars derailed from the train. I take protocols in trying to establish communication about the incident. I am anxious but able to keep my cool. There are bodies everywhere, some dead, some injured. I sense snow. It’s cold out. I am helping to coordinate and get people off and away from the train. When asked at how many died I saw the number 36 and 12. Although it was not my fault I feel guilty for what happened under my watch and helpless to those that need my help but I can’t do anything about it.

I am back at my town at the docks. The train incident was famous and was in all the papers. I was confronted by a man who had lost someone (maybe a wife or daughter) in the accident. He accused me of being responsible for their death. It was an accident and tried to assure him that nothing could have been done but had become annoyed that he was not listening and just choosing to be accusatory. As I seem to dismiss him in my frustration of the situation, he attacks me and begins to strangle me.  At this point, even before revealing this information I was chuckling again to myself at how this was coming together. He did not kill me but rather let go of his grip around my neck. I then apologized for what had happened and for not taking his grief seriously enough.

I later find that I had changed my position from driving passenger trains to more industrial trains. I no longer wanted the responsibility of the passengers. After retiring I find myself living in the countryside away from people. The woman who was with me seems to be a ghost at this point, as if maybe she was there for a while but not there anymore. I don’t know if she left or has passed. I have a dog. Something similar to a golden retriever but a bit smaller. I am a bit lonely, sad about my past, but content at where I live. I left to be away from the judgments and scrutiny of the people. I just wanted to be left in peace.

My death was in the cabin on the countryside. I was alone.  I had a heart attack, I collapsed onto the floor. The dog licking my face. As I pass I feel happy that the loneliness of that life was over. I sense light beings approaching me. I can’t tell who they are but I know them very well and I’m very happy to see them.


I felt I was person that enjoyed helping people. I felt I was a good man; although I feel my confidence fed my arrogance. When that confidence was challenged in the train accident I felt it also challenged my pride. There was a loss in confidence in not being able to control the situation. People died and were injured and there was nothing I could do to control that. This led to my withdraw from society and from life. My lesson from that is that things will happen outside of my control and I must not let them keep me from moving forward. Don’t let the judgments of others deter you or diminish your confidence from what it is you feel confident you can do. I must also be understanding of others and their situations and not avoid confrontation. This may have something to do with me being an empath in this lifetime.

She asked if this had resolved or felt it was the source issue with my panic attacks. I said no. I felt this was not the only incident.

Messages From My Higher Self

She had asked me what I wanted to learn from my Higher Self. At the time of this regression, it was a few days before my move from living in my aunt’s garage in Florida to Phoenix, Arizona. It was going to be a lonely move where I knew no one there, and to a place I had never been. I asked what is it that I need to know? I was actually laughing and distracted at this point by a most unusual sensation. I felt as if I was HUGE! hahaha… Like the Earth to me was the size of a lady bug, and I am so big a bloated like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. I was trying to hold the Earth but it was like holding a marble between two balloons. It was all quite amusing but felt very real, I was just in awe of how big I was. I repeated this to Ann but I didn’t want to because it was so out of context. I redirected my thoughts from this unusual sensation and focused on again quieting the mind. Then I received the message – you are loved, they are watching you, you are not alone, someone will be there, there is more coming, its just the beginning. Continue to be open, continue to let go, continue to love. Be brave and bold. Take your time and enjoy it. It’ll be okay, just give it time.


Of course after the session I began to research anything that may stand out to me, both from an intuitive perspective as well as intellectual. There are certainly no shortage of railway accidents around 1974 and 1975. One stood out from the others called the Shipton-on-Cherwell train crash.

“It involved the derailment of a long passenger train at Shipton-on-Cherwell near Kidlington, Oxfordshire, England, on Christmas Eve, 24 December 1874, and was one of the worst ever disasters on the Great Western Railway… The accident happened a few hundred yards from the village of Hampton Gay and close to Shipton-on-Cherwell. The train with 13 carriages and two engines had left Oxford station for Birmingham at 11:40. The train was about half an hour late and going about 40 miles an hour when after six miles the tyre of the wheel on a third-class carriage broke. The carriage left the track for about 300 yards including the bridge of the River Cherwell. After the bridge and before a similar bridge across the Oxford and Birmingham canal the carriage went down an embankment taking other carriages with it, breaking up as they crossed the field. Three carriages…fell into the water. The front section of the train carried on for some distance. The owner and men from the Hampton Gay paper mill close to the accident site tried to assist the injured in the snow. Telegrams were sent to local stations to summon medical help but it took an hour and a half before a doctor appeared. A special train was used to move the injured back to hospitals in Oxford. At least 26 died at the scene while four others were dead by the time the special train had arrived at Oxford station. At least one other died in hospital. The canal was dragged but no bodies were found.”

– From Wikipedia.

36 people died in all. There of course is no way to determine if this was actually the incident but the cause, time, location, and the intuitive feelings surrounding the incident and what I felt during the incident in the regression felt very similar.  There was no mention of the conductor only the company Great Western Railway of which he would have worked for. In judging by the company, would seem be be a distinguished position.


Although I did not learn the source of my panic attacks, what was shown to me was shown to me for reasons of what was more relevant to my current life and situation. To embrace my move, not as a running away, but as a new beginning. To embrace failures as challenges to improve, regroup, and return to this world with a new sense of perspective, humor, and purpose.

I imagine we all dream that our past lives would be something fantastic. Had I simply led the regression with my imagination I would have certainly have thought up something more conclusive to my personality. A Native America chief or an explorer – a train conductor is certainly is not what comes to mind (although I do have a fondness for old timey trains), but this story developed naturally and purely in describing what was in the moment, the story evolved and took on a life of its own.

I found the process very enlightening, not only to explore my past, but to understand the blur in the mind between the imagination and what actually has substance.  This is important because we like to think that our intuition, the voice or our Higher Self or other entities, visions of past lives are somehow distinct. Like there is a clear definition between our own imagination and these other sources of input when they all use the same voice, our own. Which again reinforces why these sort of things are not accepted by the masses and relies greatly on faith alone. Its like flipping through the TV and every station, all the channels and shows whether fictional or non-fictional are all you. How do you distinguish between reality and fabrication when they both dress and talk alike?

The best way that I can answer that is in quieting the mind in meditation, those voices that exist outside of the ego in the centered mind are the ones that are sincere, these are the ones to put your faith into. This was important for me to learn. I learned that if I can train myself to quiet the mind and gently guide my thoughts while in this state, this opens up a world of possibilities into the subconscious. To ask questions and have them answered from a higher source. This is exciting.

I would encourage others to read Ann’s book, “The Past Life Perspective“. It will certainly open your mind to what is possible, and just maybe you too will want to explore your own hidden past.




The ‘Knowing’

I wanted to write about the pros and cons of the ‘knowing’, in what derives from the awakening.

First let me define ‘knowing’ as my own truth that I have discovered in this process of awakening. It is the grand awakening to the nature of the universe, that is unique to me. There are many others who have awakened that may not share the same truth. This does not lessen any one person’s truth or experience of awakening. Someone’s awakening through the Bible might hold a very different truth from my own. Who is to say what is the actual truth? There is no way for us to know without actually knowing, and the veil on our third density existence reinforces this unknowing. It’s quite the paradox.

I figured I should first discuss the burden of ‘knowing’.

The Burden of ‘Knowing’


My ‘knowing’ of the truth comes from what I feel in my core, what is reinforced through personal validations both internally and externally. It’s knowing that I can’t prove, but I know it with every fiber of my being that this is real, and is my truth. Hence the first burden of knowing; because it is not provable – how can I share this wonderful and blissful knowing in a way that is convincing? You really can’t. You may only plant a seed of intrigue that may spark their own journey to seek the truth. Each person must find this realization on their own. It cannot be impressed upon them in a monologue. For most, it will be too much information, and may in fact, cause them to push back from it as a result.

I have been guilty of doing this myself out of my own excitement to share this information. It has been met with mixed results. I think only those who are in the midst of their own awakening may accept the information with an open mind. Those who have not yet reached this stage will more likely be repelled by it. It may also diverge greatly from their own truth or what they feel they can relate to. In my experience, I have found that the general end message or ideas regardless of the belief or ideology are always the same but how that information is presented to relate to you individually is what will draw others  in to your particular understanding. All that matters is the spark of curiosity to want to learn more, regardless of the path it takes them on. It is important not to let the ego discourage you because they cannot relate to your particular understanding of the truth, just be thankful they too are on their own path and relate in that way.

It’s taken a long time to reach my current understanding of things and I know I still have a long way to go. It takes a lot of research and in that research, discerning, contemplating, and searching for validation – it’s exhausting. It most certainly does not happen overnight and in reading one book. Just because I have my truth does not mean you could just read it and adopt it, you have to discover it for yourself and seek your own validation otherwise it’s just information – but not a personal creed. Even the Law of One may require people to ease into it with in-depth exploration into ET, psychic phenomena, channeling, occult, and metaphysics if you are not already exposed to such things. Then after ALL that you still have to be open-minded enough to throw it all out for new ideas, because if we get locked into our ego and become stubborn and lazy we may miss out on another leap of faith that could once again change our universe to something even more spectacular.


The next burden of ‘knowing’ in the awakening is loneliness. I have read many spiritual memes stating that awakening and enlightenment is a very lonely road. I find this from my own experience to be very much so. In shedding old beliefs, ways of thinking, living, and being – you shed people, places, things, interests, activities, thoughts, foods, and behaviors. Although these things have been shed, not in sacrifice, but in that they no longer serve you in who you are becoming – it is difficult in becoming something new in which there is no one to greet you into this graduation or initiation of life. It is literally starting new again, to be born again (if I may borrow a Christian term). It can be quite overwhelming – and it is a one way road because there is no going back. You can not un-know it.

It will certainly not always be this way. As time passes you will meet people of like minds based on your new frequency and vibration, brought on by your new activities, interests, state of mind, and behaviors. I look forward to that time. In the meantime it is the lesson, the journey, to love and forgive yourself. Using this precious and valuable time for soul searching to discover who you are, why you are here, what your purpose is, and how to see that through.

I would like nothing more than to sit and discuss with a group of friends all these wonderful and fascinating things in our universe, consciousness, other worlds, other beings, spirituality, and the evolution of the spirit and our world. To discuss these things in a deep and intellectual dialog of discovery reminiscent of Plato’s, The Republic. I am such a spiritual nerd haha.

Having said all that, the benefits greatly outweigh the burdens.

The Benefits of ‘Knowing’


Understanding reincarnation, that we incarnate 1000’s of times over tens of thousands of years is quite liberating. Why? Because we don’t have to feel like we have to pack every moment and feel such regret for missed opportunities. Now that doesn’t mean we don’t try, we most certainly want to get the most out of this incarnation and make the most out of every opportunity possible, but doesn’t the understanding of reincarnation allow yourself to forgive yourself much easier and put less pressure on yourself if things don’t work out as planned?

What does this knowledge of reincarnation do for your fear of death, or the death of a loved one? When we pass, this is only half of that incarnate cycle. We then meet with our Higher Self in a review of our lives in time/space. Where we can see all time at once, where we see and identify missed opportunities. We then plan our next incarnation, creating an environment for the lessons we still need to learn for our eventual ascension into the fourth density. Pick your parents, make deals with other entities for missions to be carried out in our next incarnation here on Earth.

Which is a good time to take a moment and reflect on such things in your life. You chose your parents – this may have been a positive or negative experience – but what did you learn from them? What should you learn from them? Why did you pick them? What about maybe some limitations you have, even a disease or something as simple as an allergy – what lesson is there to learn? Maybe soul mates, friends, enemies – what did you learn or should learn from those people in your life?

This understanding about the incarnate cycle can liberate you from your fear of disease and death. When you can find the lesson and know that this is simply another cycle but not the end of you at all, just the end of your current broke ass physical body haha. This is liberating. The key players or cast in our lives are very often reoccurring casts in our incarnations. Where once your teacher in the next lifetime will be your mother. Your mother in this lifetime may be your older sister in the next. Even bullies that you had, may show up in another antagonistic way in the next lifetime, until you learn your karmic lesson.  So in losing a loved one – they also are not gone, they are continuing their own lessons and you will find each other again. Isn’t that beautiful. How freeing is that to know. Think of how exciting this all is in the grand scheme of things!

Sense of Purpose

Another great benefit is a sense of purpose. When you know what you are ultimately here to do. Ra has stated that we are here to experience for the Creator. In a mission to experience many-ness, this universe, in all its cosmic laws, were created so that we could maximize the greatest and most varied opportunities of experiences. These experiences make their way back to the Creator. Remember that day you bungy jumped? So does he – he gets butterflies every time he thinks of the first time we did it haha.

Now beyond experiencing life, we may seek to ascend to higher dimensions to experience even more opportunities at life. How do we do this? With a choice. There are simply two choices, service to others (positive polarity) or service to self (negative polarity).

If you wish to pursue a life that is positive, then you pursue the service to others. In every opportunity and situation, no matter how big or small you always search for the option that offers the most opportunities for service to others. So does that mean you give every penny you have to a homeless person? – no because that is temporary, your money will run out. Find a way to be of the most service. Whenever there is a choice to be made, let this simple rule be what guides you.

It also goes with negative, if you wish to be an asshole or service to self (as I am in service to others we do not say asshole, for we all are one, so that asshole is also me. haha) Service to self is about control. Controlling others, but also controlling yourself. The Creator does not favor or discriminate, we are all perfect in His creation, we all are one.

Commitment of  service either to others or self is the most important thing we must do. If you are already doing that then you are good to go. Ascension may take longer, but this much will get you there.

If you choose to enable the earliest possibility for ascension you must balance the chakras. This will ultimately raise your vibration to be in harmony with the fourth density. It will take a lot of time and reflection. The chakras must be balanced from the bottom up. The energy flows upward and any blockage is like a knot in a hose where the flowing energy will be hindered in the chakras that follow. You will have to research which chakras influence which centers – unfortunately, to describe this would be beyond the scope of this post. Blockages can be identified in emotions, egos, behaviors, habits, injuries, diseases and karma. Just research which chakras identify with what you are dealing with.

You should also resolve your karmic lessons or close karmic circles. Resolving this can help resolve chakra blockages. These can be elusive and can even extend to karma of a tribe. Maybe your family has a history of owning slaves. The key to resolving all karma is honest forgiveness. Forgiveness of those involved and forgiveness in yourself. If either are not sincere the karma will remain.

The great thing about all this is that not all is lost when we pass. If you resolve karmic cycles you will not have them in the next incarnation. If you have awakened and pierced the veil in this lifetime, you will still be veiled, but you will be able to pierce it more easily. If you developed metaphysical skills like psychic abilities, those will also return in the next incarnation. In other words, once the path to ascension has been accepted, the system is designed to accelerate that growth.

Ultimately, as each of us awaken, we raise the collective consciousness of us all here on Earth, enabling a global ascension.

This ‘knowing’, to me, makes life more precious, exciting, and purposeful. It allows me to proceed in life with deliberate purpose with confidence in the choices I make and how to live my life.

Knowing Right and Wrong

I won’t go into too much detail here because I discussed this at length in my post ‘Law of One – The Nature of Evil‘. It seems like a common sense thing, to know right from wrong – but it really isn’t because there are historical, cultural and social stigmas that have solidified judgments on behaviors that make us question ourselves if we are doing what is ‘right’ or make us feel bad because this might be ‘wrong’. There seems to be a lot of grey area where we aren’t sure which is the right decision.

In the eyes of the Creator, there is no right or wrong. It is all perfection. To say there is ‘wrong’ would suggest that God made a mistake. As you recall, there are only two paths, the service to others and the service to self. God does not discriminate or favor any choice, that is the perfection in free will. Consider the path you have chosen, if you truly wish to do the ‘right’ thing, whether you are a positive polarity or a negative polarity, to make the choice to do what best supports that polarity is the right decision, regardless of the historical, cultural, or social stigmas that may be attached to that decision.

So how is this so beneficial? Here is a quote from my earlier post on this…

This knowledge is greatly liberating and allows us to pursue life with more confidence – regardless of social stigma for our choices.  As I have said, I have shy’d away from interests in the past because of history or social stigmas that make me question if something is positive or negative. Now that I have my own reliable gauge for what is right and wrong I can pursue my life with confidence in knowing that what I am doing is positive. It also allows me to learn and research more freely and with confidence in being able to discern whether the information is positive or negative. If the information divides people, creates fear, or suppresses people in any way, this is of a negative influence.

Goodbye Negativity

Before all this began, I paid close attention to the news with disgust in the behavior of our government and the treatment of our planet and its people. Paying close attention to conspiracies in the countless and unscrupulous means to control information and the public – especially when it comes to the universe, consciousness, alien life, and technologies. I would get so angry and want to beg people to wake up to what is going on. In the Law of One, whenever questions would arise about these types of subjects he would always reply with – this information in unimportant and of a transient nature. This information is of such a low vibration that Ra stated that they would lose connection to the channeler and may then be replaced with a negative entity. Think about that, this information carries with it a low vibration. So taking these things to heart will only hold you back. They are unimportant because this is not about our purpose here at all – they are simply distractions.

Now I will be the first to admit that I am fascinated regarding our true reality in what is truly being withheld from us. Its quite stunning – but at the same time beautiful in how truly vast and interesting this world really is if some people were to get out of the way of it. So in the beauty of what truly is I continue to enjoy learning what I can, but I am unaffected by the negative aspect of it all because, as Ra stated, it is unimportant and is not within my purpose – unless it is haha. Who knows, perhaps this blog, in its own small way of disclosure, may help awaken another – then the disclosure of these secrets may be part of my mission or purpose.


I never made a plan for what I want to try to understand or reveal to myself. It was a blind search for something else that was leading me. So here I am. I have learned things I never could have imagined. Things so fantastic it goes beyond the imagination of any sci-fi movie and deeper than any science or psychology book. Its caused me to face and challenge things in myself and my beliefs. There is just no way to describe it. I will never be Enlightened, for Enlightenment is to know, but I will forever be a seeker, and in my ‘knowing’ this is my enlightenment.