The Law of One and various other sources has made me become a deep believer in past lives. Our repeated incarnations here in the third density are meant to be an intensive growth period in this stage of spiritual schooling. One of the tools to enhance the experience, is the veil of forgetting. Forgetting who we were, who we are, and why we are here. It is a test in faith, and a test to see in our ignorance of all these things, what path do we continue to choose? What choice do we make to be of service to self or service to others? These choices we make in our incarnations resolve and create lessons and karma. These lessons and karma, if not resolved, carry over into the next life. The in-between life, or the life between incarnations is where after our passing we get to evaluate our life and past lives outside of the veil of forgetting. In collaboration with our Higher Selves and the assistance of our soul family and spirit guides, we create the blueprint for our next incarnation. Choices that we make and agreements we make with other souls to help us learn what we need to learn.
I was first introduced to Ann C. Barham through an interview on Gaia.com. She had the same beliefs as I have come to believe about life in general and this whole process of past lives and the involvement of our Higher Selves and our soul family in creating our present incarnation. Wanting to learn more, I bought her book “The Past Life Perspective“.
It was a very fascinating read and has become most certainly a valuable addition to my collection in the fundamental sources for awakening. It is broken down into cases. Going through a person’s regression from the past life (or multiple), into the death, and then engaging the Higher Self as a source for further lessons and advice.
After having read the book, I became fascinated with wanting to learn more about my own past lives. I wanted to do it correctly and through someone I trusted so I booked a session with Ann through her website.
Regressions begin with an entry point. For job interviews, in my industry, I have to go through what is called a technical interview. This interview challenges your knowledge and includes a live coding exercise. During these interviews I experience panic attacks where I will feel my throat closing up to where I feel like I am being strangled. I can’t breathe. My mind fogs up to where I can not think anymore to form a sentence. The experience is quite traumatic.
Ironically my awakening began with my attempts to resolve this issue. It led me to try self hypnosis and then into meditation. This was the pivoting moment that toppled me down this rabbit hole haha. However, despite my attempts to face this, I have experienced it with every technical interview (about 6 total). No amount of preparation, breathing and relaxing exercises, and meditation would resolve or even lessen the intensity of the panic attacks; nor could I think of anything in my past in my present incarnation that would explain it.
On a related note, I experience the same panic attacks when I get angry. When I am angry to the point of wanting to fight, my head fogs up, my throat closes up, and I am no longer able to speak. As a teenager, when this would happen I would resort to the physical because this was the only expression I had to release it. I would punch something, usually my bedroom door (I destroyed many-a-doors) and eventually my parents put me through psycho therapy and anger management. After an experience where a splinter went through my knuckle, I never did that again. Nowadays when this happens I have to just walk away.
After going through a relaxation session we began. She would ask me questions to help me focus on evolving what I was seeing and/or feeling. They were only leading in a way to understand what was occurring but not leading in a way to coax a response one way or another. The questions or her statements would lead me to the next scene or perspective. For specific information she would say for example, “What year is this? On the count of 3 what is the first thing that comes to you?”. This would help in trying not to overthink anything.
Experience Of Hypnosis
I am pretty adept in meditation, able to achieve various levels of trance states. When I relaxed into the session I put myself into a meditative trance state where the mind is clear, centered, but aware. I don’t know of others’ experiences in hypnosis but I was never ‘unconscious’, except for a brief moment between the relaxation and the start of the first past life visions. Throughout the entire session I was fully aware. In the beginning I would have to say that I didn’t know if I was just making it up. What changed that perspective during the regression is when something would come up that would tie other things together, like this was a developing story that I was not consciously intending to do at all. When these moments would occur, I would actually be chuckling because of this realization. I was amazed and humored by how it was working. I was never thinking about the story beyond what was being asked of me, for example – what are you doing, what are you seeing, how do you feel. I was always just in that moment. So to see those moments connect was quite fascinating.
The other part of this I found interesting is that what I was seeing and feeling toward the past life experience was not anything outside of my normal thoughts and feelings. Meaning, I never felt that what I was seeing or feeling was anything out of the ordinary. My daughter has experienced multiple spontaneous past life visions. She describes them as being more vivid than a dream, very real, very intense. She is able to feel their feelings and recall their memories. My experience was far less dramatic in that they blended seamlessly into my own imagination. This is why, until connections were discovered, I was questioning if I was just making it up.
Lastly, I realized that I never felt that connected to this person in the past life. I did feel some sort of connection but in a very subtle way, like a friend. I never felt emotionally connected to this person or the events that were taken place. This was a little off-putting and also made me question the validity; however, when I look into my current self, I have little, if any emotional connection to things in my past that were deeply emotional to me at the time. So in this context, it makes sense that in a life so far removed from my current how I may feel such a detachment.
Looking down at my feet, I see I am wearing black boots. Some sort of work boots. The visions are nothing more than looking at your reflection in turbulent water, the vagueness of something there accompanied by a feeling of what you are seeing. Moving up, I see black pants, light weight. I have short brown curly hair. My head is shaped oval. I am wearing a black brimmed hat, like a
baseball hat but its shorter. It feels like a uniform. I’m consciously a bit confused about what I am perceiving, not knowing what to make of it. I’m asked to see my surroundings. I see a railroad track. I am on a train. I am a conductor! I chuckled at myself in the revelation and it explained the hat and why I looked the way I looked. She asked how I felt. I said I enjoyed my job driving a passenger train, I enjoyed seeing the country side, I enjoyed the passengers. The time period was around 1870’s (1874, 1875). The location I stated was Baltimore but this never felt right perhaps there was something similar in the name but the location felt to be European or the New England states. I have never been to either but it was this feeling. It felt European.
She asked me to go back to a previous significant event. I was maybe in my 20’s. I lived in a town that was near the docks. I get the feeling of cobblestone. Cold and rainy type of weather here typically. I was in the water. There was an incident at the docks. I can’t tell what happened, something about a ship I was on. People are concerned for what happened, although I am not. I was calm despite the event. I did not act in helping others because I was in the water but I realized that I could, that I could handle situations. I was a very confident individual.
At some point there was woman in my life. I could recognize little about her other than her presence. Her hair was long and up in a bun and wearing an apron. I cared for her and she was supportive of me.
We move to the next significant event. I am back on the train. There was an accident. I large accident. It was not my fault. Something occurred in around the midpoint of all the towing carriages. Maybe an impact of some sort but I can’t tell, but a natural accident. Multiple cars derailed from the train. I take protocols in trying to establish communication about the incident. I am anxious but able to keep my cool. There are bodies everywhere, some dead, some injured. I sense snow. It’s cold out. I am helping to coordinate and get people off and away from the train. When asked at how many died I saw the number 36 and 12. Although it was not my fault I feel guilty for what happened under my watch and helpless to those that need my help but I can’t do anything about it.
I am back at my town at the docks. The train incident was famous and was in all the papers. I was confronted by a man who had lost someone (maybe a wife or daughter) in the accident. He accused me of being responsible for their death. It was an accident and tried to assure him that nothing could have been done but had become annoyed that he was not listening and just choosing to be accusatory. As I seem to dismiss him in my frustration of the situation, he attacks me and begins to strangle me. At this point, even before revealing this information I was chuckling again to myself at how this was coming together. He did not kill me but rather let go of his grip around my neck. I then apologized for what had happened and for not taking his grief seriously enough.
I later find that I had changed my position from driving passenger trains to more industrial trains. I no longer wanted the responsibility of the passengers. After retiring I find myself living in the countryside away from people. The woman who was with me seems to be a ghost at this point, as if maybe she was there for a while but not there anymore. I don’t know if she left or has passed. I have a dog. Something similar to a golden retriever but a bit smaller. I am a bit lonely, sad about my past, but content at where I live. I left to be away from the judgments and scrutiny of the people. I just wanted to be left in peace.
My death was in the cabin on the countryside. I was alone. I had a heart attack, I collapsed onto the floor. The dog licking my face. As I pass I feel happy that the loneliness of that life was over. I sense light beings approaching me. I can’t tell who they are but I know them very well and I’m very happy to see them.
I felt I was person that enjoyed helping people. I felt I was a good man; although I feel my confidence fed my arrogance. When that confidence was challenged in the train accident I felt it also challenged my pride. There was a loss in confidence in not being able to control the situation. People died and were injured and there was nothing I could do to control that. This led to my withdraw from society and from life. My lesson from that is that things will happen outside of my control and I must not let them keep me from moving forward. Don’t let the judgments of others deter you or diminish your confidence from what it is you feel confident you can do. I must also be understanding of others and their situations and not avoid confrontation. This may have something to do with me being an empath in this lifetime.
She asked if this had resolved or felt it was the source issue with my panic attacks. I said no. I felt this was not the only incident.
Messages From My Higher Self
She had asked me what I wanted to learn from my Higher Self. At the time of this regression, it was a few days before my move from living in my aunt’s garage in Florida to Phoenix, Arizona. It was going to be a lonely move where I knew no one there, and to a place I had never been. I asked what is it that I need to know? I was actually laughing and distracted at this point by a most unusual sensation. I felt as if I was HUGE! hahaha… Like the Earth to me was the size of a lady bug, and I am so big a bloated like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. I was trying to hold the Earth but it was like holding a marble between two balloons. It was all quite amusing but felt very real, I was just in awe of how big I was. I repeated this to Ann but I didn’t want to because it was so out of context. I redirected my thoughts from this unusual sensation and focused on again quieting the mind. Then I received the message – you are loved, they are watching you, you are not alone, someone will be there, there is more coming, its just the beginning. Continue to be open, continue to let go, continue to love. Be brave and bold. Take your time and enjoy it. It’ll be okay, just give it time.
Of course after the session I began to research anything that may stand out to me, both from an intuitive perspective as well as intellectual. There are certainly no shortage of railway accidents around 1974 and 1975. One stood out from the others called the Shipton-on-Cherwell train crash.
“It involved the derailment of a long passenger train at Shipton-on-Cherwell near Kidlington, Oxfordshire, England, on Christmas Eve, 24 December 1874, and was one of the worst ever disasters on the Great Western Railway… The accident happened a few hundred yards from the village of Hampton Gay and close to Shipton-on-Cherwell. The train with 13 carriages and two engines had left Oxford station for Birmingham at 11:40. The train was about half an hour late and going about 40 miles an hour when after six miles the tyre of the wheel on a third-class carriage broke. The carriage left the track for about 300 yards including the bridge of the River Cherwell. After the bridge and before a similar bridge across the Oxford and Birmingham canal the carriage went down an embankment taking other carriages with it, breaking up as they crossed the field. Three carriages…fell into the water. The front section of the train carried on for some distance. The owner and men from the Hampton Gay paper mill close to the accident site tried to assist the injured in the snow. Telegrams were sent to local stations to summon medical help but it took an hour and a half before a doctor appeared. A special train was used to move the injured back to hospitals in Oxford. At least 26 died at the scene while four others were dead by the time the special train had arrived at Oxford station. At least one other died in hospital. The canal was dragged but no bodies were found.”
– From Wikipedia.
36 people died in all. There of course is no way to determine if this was actually the incident but the cause, time, location, and the intuitive feelings surrounding the incident and what I felt during the incident in the regression felt very similar. There was no mention of the conductor only the company Great Western Railway of which he would have worked for. In judging by the company, would seem be be a distinguished position.
Although I did not learn the source of my panic attacks, what was shown to me was shown to me for reasons of what was more relevant to my current life and situation. To embrace my move, not as a running away, but as a new beginning. To embrace failures as challenges to improve, regroup, and return to this world with a new sense of perspective, humor, and purpose.
I imagine we all dream that our past lives would be something fantastic. Had I simply led the regression with my imagination I would have certainly have thought up something more conclusive to my personality. A Native America chief or an explorer – a train conductor is certainly is not what comes to mind (although I do have a fondness for old timey trains), but this story developed naturally and purely in describing what was in the moment, the story evolved and took on a life of its own.
I found the process very enlightening, not only to explore my past, but to understand the blur in the mind between the imagination and what actually has substance. This is important because we like to think that our intuition, the voice or our Higher Self or other entities, visions of past lives are somehow distinct. Like there is a clear definition between our own imagination and these other sources of input when they all use the same voice, our own. Which again reinforces why these sort of things are not accepted by the masses and relies greatly on faith alone. Its like flipping through the TV and every station, all the channels and shows whether fictional or non-fictional are all you. How do you distinguish between reality and fabrication when they both dress and talk alike?
The best way that I can answer that is in quieting the mind in meditation, those voices that exist outside of the ego in the centered mind are the ones that are sincere, these are the ones to put your faith into. This was important for me to learn. I learned that if I can train myself to quiet the mind and gently guide my thoughts while in this state, this opens up a world of possibilities into the subconscious. To ask questions and have them answered from a higher source. This is exciting.
I would encourage others to read Ann’s book, “The Past Life Perspective“. It will certainly open your mind to what is possible, and just maybe you too will want to explore your own hidden past.